A Modern Witch Hunt? "Another Incarnation of the Toothed Vagina Myth"

If this doesn't go down in history as Polish political and social satire, I'll forever lose faith in comedy. These are Polish men, everyday paragons of courage, who go into battle for every stone and tattoo the image of steadfast soldiers on their calves, yet they're terrified of teenage girls.

We're talking, of course, about shoon patrols – a rather incidental and media-heavy phenomenon on the streets of our cities. We'll get to the concept of shoons in a moment, but let's stick with patrols for now.

Patrols have become quite common in our political landscape. They're on the lookout for Middle Eastern immigrants, Ukrainians, and occasionally gays or leftists. A patrol is, by definition, a paramilitary organization, and if it's not used for offensive purposes, it can only be defensive. It's easy to understand (though harder to accept) the threat these militias are supposed to protect us from. Foreign men are supposed to steal our jobs and women (accusations suspiciously similar to those leveled against Jews in the 1930s), while leftists and gays are supposed to infect the healthy tissue of Polish youth with their whims.